If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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