Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
