It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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