We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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