Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
