finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
