You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
