she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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