your thong is hanging out like whoa
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
