Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
