is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
