I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
