i think my mom watched the whole time
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
