my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
