I got chris browned last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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