Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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