Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
