I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am one with the molecules
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
