I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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