He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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