Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
