i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
