I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
