K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
