Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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