I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
