just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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