Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
