Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
