My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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