...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
