i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
