Acid is not a monday night drug
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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