I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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