you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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