he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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