it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
