All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
