did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
