what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
