the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
