I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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