In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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