I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
