Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So. Much. Porn.
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