It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
