Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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