I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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