I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
