If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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