I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
