Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
