Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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